Next week is Queen Week. The whole country gets three years off work, and license to wave plastic flags and go on the London Eye. To me this makes no difference as I am unemployed and frivolous, and get to spend Queen Week either drunk, asleep or in Spain. Matters are also somewhat complicated because I secretly really like the Queen, and find her not dissimilar to my cool paternal grandmother, only with more crowns and palaces. Also, the woman invented a new breed of dog. It's called a dorgi.

I have, however, some friends who are ardent socialists and will be spending their weekend attending such functions as Fuck The Jubilee. Also, I become 21 on Saturday, and thus Her Majesty will just have to make some room for that, because I'd like it to be epic.